Tiramisu
by XaraYunn
Summary: "Good. Now this might hurt a bit, but it is after all for your own good. A little reminder for you that you always belong to me from now on." I pushed him down gently, and I put the knife to his back. I began to cut his beautiful ghostly skin, and the lines started blooming with the loveliest shade of crimson. "Oh my.. just... just take me to heaven..."
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

***NEKU POV***

It's been three months since the game, and the world has become a bit brighter than before. Yeah, yeah, I learned my lesson and shit like that. I still have a bit of an issue with the personal space and letting people in but hey, at least I'm working on it, right?

Well, my friends aren't so bad after all, and they're pretty ok to be around with for a while.

Beat and Rhyme are even closer now ever since the game. Though Rhyme lost her dreams in the game, I think she's finding something to reach for. She seems like she wants to follow in the footsteps of her brother. She's as nice as ever, still the perceptive girl I always saw in her. Her eyes almost always were focused and they held so much in them, like they knew everything. It's like she always saw things we never did, and she always comprehended more unlike the human eye would. She was strong and tough like her brother, but she was also objective and understanding at times. She was the type of person who could listen to problems and was always there for you.

Beat also grew more protective of Rhyme since the game, and he almost never was separated from her. He was so patient in everything he does with Rhyme, he always took time to listen to her and explain to her about some things she didn't understand. He was always tough in front of us, but deep inside, we all knew that he was a softy.

We were all happy to meet Eri and we were relieved when we finally talked to the rightful owner of her body. She and Shiki are really close, they're just like sisters. She always had Shiki's back, and Shiki had hers, too. It's like they were twins; they really understand each other in every way. She's much louder than Shiki, but she knows when to keep quiet. Although she isn't as intelligent as her best friend, she did know how to be a great friend like Shiki.

Shiki's learning to like herself more, and we were all cool when we saw her again after the game. She doesn't look bad at all, actually I think I kind of like her. She's sweet, pretty, and everything I saw about her in the game. I loved the way she smiled and laughed, the way her eyes would sparkle in the sun, the way she could just think positive about everything and be so carefree—she's just so—I can't quite describe her at all. I think I'm even in love with her.

I'm just at home eating breakfast and doodling randomly in my sketchpad. I settle for drawing a boy with slightly wavy hair and a wide grin. He had sharp eyes, and the frame of his body was thin but tall. He wore a neat button- up shirt with dark colored jeans and white shoes. To finish it I added a pair of beautiful wings behind his back. I made sure to put every detail carefully. After I finished erasing all the unnecessary lines I raised up the sketchpad so I could scrutinize my work. I frowned when I found that all I was looking at was a boy about the same age as me, staring back with an all- too familiar smirk. On instinct I planned to tear out the page, but I decided against it because the drawing was too good for me to throw away.

"He never came," I muttered to myself as I put away my dishes in the sink and washed them. Upon returning upstairs I placed my pencils and erasers in their proper places and I stuffed my sketchpad in my already full drawer. My phone beeped and I flipped it open to look who texted. It was Beat. "Hey Phones, if you got nothing to do today, let's meet up at Hachiko and grab some lunch later. I'll text the others yo." I smiled as I replied back. I decided that today was the perfect day to move to the next step; I was going to ask Shiki to be my girlfriend. I know that it's only been three months, but we've been going out for a while now, and I really like her. I rubbed my hands together and I got ready. I took a shower and I put on my regular J of the M clothes. I slung my purple headphones over my neck, and did the same with my mp3. I know, I know, but I still like keeping them around my neck. I got out of the house, locked the door behind me, and set out for Wild Kat to pass the time. I thought of buying a small gift for Shiki, so I went to Shibuya Department store to find something for her. Well, even if I hated shopping, it was for Shiki anyway. After I spent a good deal of time (and probably money), I came out of the department store with a small box tucked safely in my pocket. It wasn't anything too big or anything, just a small ruby pendant strung on a gold chain. I smiled to myself and headed in the direction of Cat Street. I came to the door of the tiny deserted café, and I let myself in.

"What's up Boss? The usual?" Mr. H asks, not looking up from the mug he was wiping.

"Yeah," I said as I took a seat on one of the barstools on the counter and cranked up the music on my headphones. Absent- mindedly I tapped the rhythm of the song I was listening to on the table top. Mr. H served up my order and I took a swig from it almost mechanically. After a while, I became aware that the music in my headphones was already blaring into my ears. I lowered the volume so I could hear more of my surroundings, and besides, I didn't wanna get deaf before I reached fifty.

"Oh what a surprise, look who came to visit. How thoughtful of you, dear!" I heard a voice from behind me.

Whipping around, I scowled upon seeing the tall, slender boy from my sketchpad come to life in front of me, with those unmistakable violet eyes, that wavy ash- blonde hair, and most of all, that smug grin plastered on his face.

"I didn't come here to visit," I snapped back at the dick wad who was now sauntering up to me.

"Aww come on Nekky, is that any way to treat your partner after seeing him in a very long time?" I twitched as I heard that stupid, annoying giggle that came out so often from the prick's mouth during our week in the Reaper's Game. I struggled to fight back the urge to strangle him with all my might.

"Shut up, Joshua," I roll my eyes back at the Composer of Shibuya who was currently emphasizing his ego of being a royal pain in the ass.

Joshua giggled again that infuriating, girly, sanity- driving giggle of his and he ordered something for himself. There was silence between the both of us, and nothing else filled the café except for the whir of the coffee machine and the click of switches as Mr. H fiddled around behind the counter.

"You never came," I mutter almost inaudibly after a while. I decided to break the silence after a while; it became too deafening and it made my ears ring.

"Beg your pardon?"

"You never came," I repeat my words, this time louder and clearer, and I turned my head to look at him with eyes that blazed with anger. "Why?"

"Well, simply because I am the Composer of Shibuya. I have many duties to attend to and especially now that I lack a Conductor, I am not given the luxury of time to do my own whims at any time. Satisfied, Neku?"

I was surprised at how I was able to get such a straight- forward answer from him. I felt a small pang of victory inside me, but it was overwhelmed by hurt. Was I… not that important to him at all? So insignificant that he couldn't at least spend an hour with me and my friends? Immediately I shook the silly thoughts away; it's not like Josh mattered to me so much and he was my whole life.

Joshua's phone rang, and he went to the back of the Wild Kat so that he could talk privately to whoever was calling. The moment he left, Mr. H, as if reading my mind, said on cue,

"He was watching, you know."

I tilted my head sideways a bit to show my confusion.

"He watched you there at Hachiko; when you and your friends met after the game."

I looked straight down into my cup and just shook it slightly, watching how the coffee whooshed around in waves.

"J was also a human before. Even if he wouldn't admit it, he probably would've wanted to join you guys, but he had a whole lot of cleaning up to do in the UG," Mr. H said reassuringly as he turned off the coffee machine and packed away the other things he used back into the pantry.

Just as I opened my mouth to ask him another question, the bell of the door tinkled. Joshua came in, looking annoyed. He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, and he placed his hand on his forehead in an effort to try and calm down.

"Trouble in the UG again?" Mr. H. asked with an arm leaning on the counter.

Joshua let out a heavy sigh as he sat down on the barstool and took a sip of his latte.

"You know that you won't be able to keep this up much longer, J. You're going to need to find a Conductor soon, or else the whole UG will collapse and –"

"And both Shibuya and I will come crashing down. I know, I know, you don't need to remind me, Sanae," Joshua cut him off abruptly. My heart almost stopped beating the moment his sentence registered in my mind. Both he and Shibuya would die if there was no Conductor to help Joshua look after the UG. I suddenly felt like a ghost watching a conversation, unnoticed, by the two people who were talking about a serious matter of life and death. I can't believe it; after my friends and I worked so hard to get our lives back in the game, after risking everything just to have another shot at making the most of our lives better—we were just going to die again—all because of that stupid bet that Kitaniji made with the Composer. More anger started to boil inside me just as it started to dissipate. Heat creeped up my chest, and a flush started to make its way on my cheeks, not sparing my ears either. Unconsciously my hand balled up loosely into a fist, and I clenched it tighter and tighter until I was sure my bones would crack from all the pressure.

Many thoughts started to run through my head, and the rest of their conversation was a blur. It took me a while to regain my grip of the outside world, and I finally caught up to their conversation.

"Sanae, I don't have a choice. You said so yourself; Shibuya needs a Conductor more than ever in a dire situation like this."

"I don't know J. I don't think he's up for this yet. Or ever. You put him through a lot."

I froze in my spot as I felt myself being pinned down by two pairs of eyes one violet, the other black. I let go of my fist and I pretended not to hear anything. I looked obliviously around the café and pretended to admire the works of art hung all around the place. I forked up a small bit of my slice of tiramisu cake and put it inside my mouth.

"Again Sanae, you don't need to state the obvious," Joshua drawled not letting go of his gaze on me. I felt strange, as if for some reason he was undressing me as his eyes roved around briefly on my body. A shiver went down my spine at the thought, and I forced myself to shake it off. Joshua finally took his eyes off of me.

"He just has so much potential; it's not like anything I've seen before. He would be perfect for the position."

"More like you just want him to be your slave…" I heard Mr. H mutter under his breath. His statement nearly made me choke, and all it did was make Joshua giggle.

I gulped down my coffee as I tried to process every syllable that Joshua was saying. Me? Conductor? Sorry, but count me out. I'm not ever going to try and kill people for fun like Joshua does for a hobby; Hell, that's insane!

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Joshua turn to me and he opened his mouth to say something. I cut him off immediately with a sharp "No."

Joshua clamped his mouth shut slowly after a moment, as if he had anticipated the answer the whole time. Well obviously since they probably knew that I was listening to the whole conversation.

"Listen, J. I know that you want Phones over here to be your Conductor, but he's just not ready for it yet."

"Maybe not at all," I say as I drop my money on the counter with a loud clang. I didn't even bother to finish my coffee; I lost the guts to drink it. I shoved my way out the door, and I strode along the empty street, with hands stuffed into my pockets and loud music echoing in my head.

"Neku!"

I faintly heard someone call my attention, but it only made me pick up my pace. I only paid attention to the owner of the voice when I felt fingers comb through my gel- stiffed hair and yank my headphones off in one fluid motion.

"Hey!"

I turned around sharply and I glared intensely at the person who so rudely snatched my prized possession from my head.

"Neku, I know that you're not ready at all for this—"

"I don't even want this!"

"Just listen to me Neku!" Joshua said with a slight hint of a raise his voice. I tried to pry my arm from his iron grip that held my left wrist, but my efforts were useless. "Shibuya really needs a Conductor, and if there will be no one to take the position, I will fall along with it, and the whole City will be wiped completely from existence!"

I knew inside that it was true, but I couldn't do it even for the sake of Shibuya. Great, it was like living the final game all over again, which by the way I didn't forgive Joshua for yet. I couldn't bring myself to use whatever potential I didn't know I have just to kill people for the heck of it.

"I don't want to take part in your stupid schemes again Joshua. I'm through with it, okay? I don't kill people because I want to see them suffer." I finally got loose of Joshua's hold, but I didn't go just yet.

"It isn't all about killing people, Neku. Sometimes you just have to do it because they failed to prove themselves worthy of getting a second chance. It's not like you can always just live again the moment you die." Joshua said with a pained tone in his voice, like he remembered something from a long time ago.

"But it's not fair! Everyone deserves to have a second chance!" Tears started to sting at the corners of my eyes, but I blink them back, not wanting to show weakness.

"Not always, Neku. Not always…" Joshua replied softly. There was silence between us, and I said after a while

"Listen Joshua, you brought me into that game for what? Just to see me try so hard and to laugh at my suffering!? I got nothing from your twisted, stupid plans—nothing at all!—and now you just walk up to me out of nowhere and drag me to your stupid games where I'll just be made a pawn again!?" I finished my sentence to the point that I was shouting and I was out of breath.

"I got lots of things now that you never had before," I began again. "I have friends, I can open up more to people now, and most of all, there's someone I love—Shiki. Hell, you wouldn't care but I do. So you can't just take my life away from me just like that."

Joshua looked like he wanted to go on a killing spree. A short silence followed, and he looked at me with an infuriated look in his eyes.

"Well if I never brought you in the game, you would have none of those! You would forever shut out people, you would have no friends to talk to at all, you would live on being the complete anti- social you were, and most of all—you wouldn't have met that girl you so claim to love!" Joshua shot back, looking equally pissed as I was.

I just scoffed, retrieved my headphones, and started my way back to Hachiko.

I didn't pay attention to what he said at all and just continued walking. It was almost noon anyway.

When I got there, it was still ten minutes before our agreed meeting time. Bummed, I looked around and tried to listen for the City's Music. I could hear it sometimes, bits and fragments that clung to the air and played a sickly tune that always sounded haunting yet oddly comforting at the same time. Amongst the crowd, I tried to spot the Players who were running for their lives and who bet on their lucky stars for a second chance at life. I tried to spot the Noise that chased the Players and caused havoc to wreak everywhere in the UG. I was zoning out again in my thoughts until I heard a familiar voice snap me back to reality.

"Hey there."

I looked up and saw a familiar face staring back down at me.

"Oh hey there Shiki!"

I scooted over so that she could have a seat on the bench too. She sat down beside me, a little too close for my liking but what the hell, at least it's Shiki. I wanted to drape an arm around her, but I decided against it, because I knew that it wasn't proper at all. I decided to save it for later, when she says yes. We just sat there not talking and simply enjoying each other's presence I guess. I was about to ask her the big question until a familiar booming voice came out of nowhere.

"Yo man, let's get a move on. I'm starving yo!" a blonde with beefy muscles, blue eyes and a skull beanie shouted while waving at us.

"Beat!" Rhyme scolded him while tugging on his shirt. "You shouldn't greet like that," she said with a small laugh. She bore a striking resemblance to her brother; the same sandy hair, sky blue eyes and a matching cap with a skull pin.

A little bit later, the last member of our group arrived. I heard the distinct click of three inch heels on the pavement moving in a steady rhythm. In ten seconds, a girl about the same age as us with fiery red hair, a stylish brown cap adorning her head, and wearing a red sleeveless top that exposed much of her midriff paired with an olive denim mini- skirt appeared in front of us. To top it off she had a yellow vest that had a hoodie, and knee high boots with those three inch heels that made those sounds that bounced off the cement walkway. She stood, poised, in front of us, lips taut and shiny with cherry- flavored lip gloss and eyes that gave away nothing. She had one arm on her hip, and she looked down at all of us as if she expected us to worship her or something.

"Well?" she asked with a tinge of superiority in her voice. "Where to?"

"To Ramen Don. Didn't you read the text message?" Shiki face palmed lightly while shaking her head.

"Pshh… of course I read it. Just um—checking. Yeah, checking!" Eri replied, trying not to look like an epic fail.

"Let's go! I can eat the whole of Shibuya if I aint got nuthin to fill my stomach yo!"

Laughing, we all stood up and went off to Ramen Don. Little did I know of what awaited me was entirely something that I didn't expect.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

***NEKU'S POV***

We made our way to Dogenzaka. We got sucked into the crowd that buzzed along, adding to the cacophony of noise that enveloped the whole city. I was relieved the moment the familiar creaky sign of the ramen shop came into sight. We got in, ordered our food, and occupied the booth at the furthest part of the shop. We talked about things and we laughed a lot, telling each other about stressing home works, upcoming events, past experiences, and tons of other things. When we finished our food, we headed outside and strolled around Shibuya. We went in some shops and bought some stuff—well it was mostly Shiki and Eri who did the shopping. They got so many shopping bags filled with various articles of clothing from different shops. Tired, we all bought some ice cream and settled down on a spot in Miyashita Park. I watched Shiki laugh and smile, her eyes sparkling as it captured the sunlight. I watched the way her hair swayed in the breeze, and I was mesmerized at how her essentially carefree nature showed in everything that she did, every little movement brought out the brightness of her soul that caught my eye ever since the game.

I decided that it was time. I tapped her shoulder to get her attention.

"Hmm?" she turned around and her dazzling emerald orbs stared straight into mine.

"I—I need to tell you something," I told her, a bit nervous at what I was going to do next.

"What is it?" she asked, with nothing but pure curiosity in her question.

"Come with me." I said, this time with more confidence in myself.

"Huh?"

I offered her a hand, and I helped her get up to her feet. The others, who were busy laughing and telling stories, didn't see us slip past. I led Shiki away from the group, and stopped the moment I was sure we were out of earshot and sight.

"What is this all about?" she asked with a small laugh.

I took a deep breath, and I looked down at the grass before I asked the big question.

"Shiki—we've been going out for some time now, and I know that this might be a bit sudden but, I really like you—and I was wondering if—you could be my girlfriend…" I say the last word cautiously; afraid of what she might say.

I raised my head, realizing that I was staring down at my own shoes the whole time, and when I looked up, I noticed that a reddish blush made its way over both our cheeks.

"I- I don't know what to say-!" Shiki sputtered out, caught off- guard by my sudden question. She couldn't find the courage to look straight in my face, and when she finally did, she said in a soft voice,

"I—I'm sorry Neku…"

I felt my heart suddenly drop, and an enormous weight dropped on my back, sending me crashing down thousands of feet into the ground. It was like my ribs were fractured and one of them stabbed me straight through my chest, sending all the pieces flying everywhere where I couldn't pick them up. It was like a void formed a hole inside me and sucked at where my heart was once, full of hope and love—a feeling that I only remembered after my time in the game—a feeling that was just there to be lost after such a time of thinking that it was true.

"I'm sorry—I'm so, so sorry…" I heard her repeat her words, like a broken tape recorder that played on loop.

"It's okay Shiki- it's okay," I say with a small smile, even if I felt it was going to falter.

We walked back to the group slowly, not talking, not saying anything, but completely aware of the other's presence. Once we reached our other friends, we acted like nothing happened at all and we laughed and talked like no tears were shed at all. As I pretended to listen to Beat's stories, I chuckled along with the others, but deep inside knowing that there was nothing to laugh about at all.

"…"

"So this is what it's like to be heartbroken, huh?" I told myself as I walked along with the hordes of people in Shibuya that never seemed to swell down no matter the time of the day. I stopped at the nearest convenience store to buy a drink, and when I got out, I let the crowds sweep me along somewhere. I didn't even know where the hell I was going. All I was doing was going along to where the crowd would take me.

I found myself standing at the foot of the golden statue of the dog that always came back for his master. I smirked as I peered up at the lifeless piece of art staring straight ahead without really looking at anything. Taking a seat at the exact same bench that Shiki and I sat on a few hours ago, where we were still friends and nothing changed about that, where we sat not talking but acknowledging and contemplating each other's existence, I watched as the crowds started to thin out, gradually decreasing in number until the scramble crossing was almost empty. I just sat there, unmoving, staring ahead in the same direction as the dog beside me. Finishing my drink, I checked my phone for the time. I felt around my pocket for it, then my eyes widened a bit when I felt a smooth velvety ribbon. I took out the box and the corners of my eyes stung with tears for the second time today, but this time I let them flow freely without even an effort to stop them. I let them fall down my cheek, streaming down endlessly like a river.

I didn't even notice the sky dim as I crushed the already shriveled soda can, twisting it and folding it until the fold was so crisp that it left two small holes at the sides. I remembered something that happened to me when I was little, and so I twisted the can at the point where the two holes were located, enough so that I tore the can. Now I had two halves of a soda can. Picking up one half with shaky fingers, I looked inside the broken can that still had small droplets of soda inside, and I aligned my fingertips on the clean, jagged edge. I ran my fingers over it slightly, the touch felt even lighter than air against my skin. I turned my hand over, and looking at the finger tips I see thin red lines oozing slowly with a thick substance colored a dark red. I smiled a wide smile, and I took off the wrist bands I always wore as I put the serrated edge once again on the skin of my wrist, unmindful of the slight drizzle that started to pour overhead. I pushed it even deeper, letting it sink into the flesh. I drew a long line over it slowly, so slowly all the way, not even caring about the searing pain that spread up my arm. A sharp throbbing started in my wrist, and it started to ache terribly. I shifted the can to my other hand and I did the same, making sure that the blood dripped from the cuts I made. I slashed my skin repeatedly, each cut fiercer than the last and some running over other scars and cuts. Putting my hands up in front of my face, I watched as the drops of blood ran down slowly in lines, mixing with raindrops that ran along my arm, down to the tip of my elbow, falling on my white cargo pants already soaked with rain just like the rest of my shirt, my headphones, and my mp3 player. I didn't even care if they got broken.

"No one loves me anymore, it's just like it was before. Maybe I should just… go back to Joshua. I have no use in this world anymore anyway."

Discarding the two halves of the soda can and stuffing the box back in my pocket, I stood up and walked away from the statue. At this time of the night, anyone could get raped, murdered, killed, kidnapped, robbed, and other countless possibilities—but I simply just didn't care at all. I just walked along the empty sidewalks, and I found myself later on at Cat Street, without an umbrella or a jacket, just simply me trodding on the puddle- covered curbs. I heard some fighting and music coming from a bar on the other side of the street as I passed, lights flashing randomly in different colors and people shouting from the inside could be seen and heard as clearly on the outside. I kept walking along the uninhabited stretch beyond me, and when I was halfway through the street, I heard the smashing of glass in the distance and the all too familiar string of curses that people holler at each other when they get drunk. I heard the banging of the door as it was being slammed shut forcefully, followed by the unceasing shouts that reached far beyond. I didn't look back; I didn't want to attract any attention at all, and hoping that whoever got out wouldn't notice me. Instead I picked up my pace casually, so that I could finally get out of this place that was starting to give me the creeps. After a short while, I heard footsteps pounding on the sidewalk behind me, getting louder and louder each passing second. As the splash of the puddles grew nearer, I broke into a jog, and then into a run, until eventually I was sprinting as fast as my legs could carry me in the heavy- pouring rain. I nearly felt my legs give out, and just as I thought that I lost the guy, I felt a hand yank me roughly on the shoulder.

I tried screaming on instinct, but the guy's other hand clasped itself around my mouth. I wriggled in the man's grip and tried to get free, but he had a reasonably strong hold and I was too weak from all the running, the cutting, and my hunger. He dragged me off into a nearby alleyway, not too far, but far enough that it was concealed completely in the shadows. The only source of light came from a dim bulb that kept flickering on and off repeatedly. The man backed me up against the dusty brick wall that was covered in graffiti and spray paint, and I smelled a strong scent of alcohol wafting from his mouth which hovered only a few inches from mine. The man, who looked to be about his mid-twenties, flashed his teeth that were yellowed from cigarette smoking in a sickly, twisted up smile—the kind that just wanted to make you throw up in disgust. Before I knew it, the stranger clashed his lips forcefully against mine, forcing his tongue inside my mouth and running it over every part that he could reach. Tears broke down once again and they spilled once more, this time even more than the first. It spilled down like a river, gushing over my cheeks as I tried so hard to push the repulsive man of off me. The moment he stopped kissing me, I spat on the ground next to me, and wiped my mouth all over the collar of my shirt. I tried to make a run for it which I found out later on to be stupid because he pushed me back on the wall and put a sharp hunting knife to my chest.

"Open that pretty little mouth of yours—and you get killed," he threatened, though he said it in a sort of butchered manner since he was drunk. I barely had any time to anything when he shoved his tongue inside my mouth again, trying to taste everything. I hated the bitter, stingy taste of his saliva as it mixed with mine. It tasted awful and it didn't feel good at all. I let out strangled gasps and cries of help as the man started to rub all over my torso greedily with his free hand, trying to feel and touch whatever he could, but he dug the knife deeper into my chest every time I tried to shout. He got my shirt off of me, and he moved from my mouth to my neck and started gnawing on the flesh there. Shit, oh shit, it hurt so fucking bad, and it felt even worse thinking about the guy who was doing it to me. My tears wouldn't stop as he left more of those revolting marks over my neck, some even on my chest. He started to nibble on my ear and unbuckle my belt, slipping my pants off and lowering his hands on my waist, just short of my crotch until I managed to drive the hunting knife straight into his stomach, deep enough that it went through. The guy stopped for a second, put his hands on his own torso and upon seeing the blood, looked at me one last time before he staggered backwards and fell unconscious, or dead. I slumped back on the wall myself, and I started to cry even harder under the pouring rain. I wiped away at my tears, but they just wouldn't seem to stop. My body started to shiver at the temperature of the cold rain beating down hard against my bare skin. I shuddered as I tucked my knees up to my chest, and I just stared at the empty corridor ahead. I don't even think I have enough strength to make it to the police station; stabbing that rapist took an enormous effort out of me.

"Hello? ... Is anybody there?" I heard someone call out, but I was too tired to answer.

The footsteps came closer and when I finally got a good view of who it was, I saw two shocked, almost terrified, violet eyes staring back down at me. I didn't care anymore; I didn't care if I would die, I didn't care if he would just leave me here in the soaking rain. I just leaned my head back against the wall, and closed my eyes for a while.

"Neku! What happened to you!?" Joshua knelt down in front of me, took his coat off and wrapped it around me, not minding how quickly his jeans were getting wet and soaked in the rain, which he would normally hate. In the rain, I almost thought I saw a tear in his eye as he pulled me even closer, though his body was getting cold too. The sudden act of compassion even after our sour conversation hours ago made tears well up in my eyes again. Joshua let go and looked at me up and down, and I saw his lips quiver a bit when he saw my sad eyes and my lips that were swollen from the guy's terrible kissing a moment ago. But the final blow came when his eyes landed on the hickeys that were planted all over my neck area. I wanted to cry even harder again, because I was so ashamed that I couldn't defend myself at all. I gestured weakly over to the guy behind him, but Joshua paid no attention to the body, seeing that the moment he took his first look at it he was sickened by it already. He stood up and quickly wiping off something from his cheek, which I supposed to be a tear, he brought out an umbrella, picked up my shirt and my headphones with the mp3, and helped me up.

"Come on, Neku," he said, regaining his usual cold- hearted attitude. "I'll let you stay at my place tonight. It's only a few blocks away." I was so weak, that I had to lean on him for support. Joshua wrapped an arm around me tightly and we walked off together in the rain, back to Joshua's house where I hope I can just get some rest.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

***NEKU'S POV***

When we reached Joshua's place, he unlocked the door and he helped me upstairs into his bedroom. His house was pretty near, about three blocks from the place, but I was really drained, so he pretty much dragged me all the way. He sat me down on his bed and examined all the wounds I had, and I felt myself blush a shade of red out of embarrassment as I saw his eyes roam over several of the stabs that the man inflicted but more on the bite marks that the guy made with pure distaste. He sat extremely close beside me, and pulled out the drawer and rummaged around for something to be a medical kit, I guess. Clicking it open, he brought out some gauze and some kind of antiseptic, and he started to clean all my stabs and bite marks which were bleeding. They weren't so deep though. My cheeks started to heat up as I felt soft, thin fingers brush lightly over my clammy skin with every stroke. The medicine stung a bit as it passed over each wound, and he bandaged them up too.

Every single one of them, including the cuts I had made on my wrists. He must've hated it though; to clean my wounds and bring me home even after I insulted him and showed him no appreciation for what the Game brought me. Joshua packed away his medical kit, and he got up and went over to his wardrobe and pulled out a pair of clean pajamas. Obviously I couldn't wear any pajamas since the wounds hurt even at the most miniscule of touches. He walked into the bathroom, and I heard the sound of the door clicking and running water as he freshened up. He got out after a while clad in his pajamas, and went downstairs to get something. I scanned the whole room that was devoid of light and was shrouded in mystery.

Out of the dark, I could see that the room was furnished in a plain but elegant way, everything was neat and in place, and though there were only a few pieces of furniture around, it had a pleasant sort of air in the atmosphere. He came back upstairs with a nice steaming bowl of soup. He handed it over to me without a word, and shyly I put a small spoonful into my mouth. I couldn't look straight at him, so I ate my soup without looking up into his eyes. I could feel that he was staring at me though, and that only made my blush that didn't want to go away darken to a deeper red. What? I don't like him, okay? Okay fine maybe I appreciate him a bit now that Shiki crushed my heart and he's the only one who showed me kindness since then. Speaking about Shiki, I remembered the memory of her rejecting me, still vivid and clear like a fresh bruise.

I let every moment replay in my head for the thousandth time today, and when I ran over the memory of cutting myself so many times, of getting soaked to the bone because of the damn rain, of being raped by a completely random stranger that I couldn't defend myself against because of my stupid depression and drama, of looking at my murderer straight into those beautiful eyes that held contrast to the dull outside world and shut the windows to his soul that I didn't know still existed filled with shock, hurt, and a kind of sadness that I couldn't really comprehend, I couldn't take a single thing of it anymore.

A drop of water fell into my soup; followed by another; and still another one, until they fell inside in a steady rhythm. I cried for what seemed to be the nth time today, and I cried so hard that I started to shudder and choke terribly; I couldn't even catch my breath properly. My sobs only quieted down a bit when two fingers tilted my chin up ever so slightly, and another pair of eyes met mine. Joshua saw my lips, swollen since that guy started molesting me, and probably even more swollen now since I shoved the boiling soup down my throat without even cooling it off first, and he placed a small peck on them. The touch was light, like a feather against my skin, and though it was only brief, I felt those lips that were much softer than mine like it pressed down so harshly and every nerve in my body could feel the pressure it exerted. It was a comforting, chaste kiss, nothing more, but it felt like it wasn't just that. For a fleeting moment, for just a fraction of a second, I saw genuine compassion in his eyes that I never saw in the cold- hearted bastard I met in the game. He looked at me for a while, and his lilac shaded eyes hardened.

"You can sleep in the guest's room if you like," Joshua said while getting up and going out to show me the said room. I followed him out, listening only to the soft thud of our feet as we walked in the dark hallway that was quiet and empty. There at the far end of the hall was the door to the vacant room, and as the knob to the door twisted, I suddenly felt a twinge in my chest that pulled at me. It was an unfamiliar feeling; one I never came across. Joshua walked to what I made out to be a bedside table, and he switched on the lampshade. The room was cold even if the air conditioning was turned off, and the chill ripped through my flesh and sinew, biting me down right to the core. I walked tentatively to the bed and I sat down. I felt the mattress sink under my weight, and gingerly I crawled into the covers and rested my head on the pillow, painfully aware that Joshua was watching my every move. He bade me good night, but just as he was about to leave, my wrist shot out of the covers instantly, as if by instinct. I was caught off- guard, as well as Joshua, and my cheeks were tinged with a slightly rosy hue due to my unanticipated actions.

"Please, just—umm… stay… with me…" I said shyly, growing unsure of myself which was unlikely, as I felt each word fall from my mouth.

"Beg your pardon?" Joshua asked with a slight hint of amusement in his voice, obviously because of my sudden and unexpected request.

"Please stay with me…" I said more clearly this time, noting in my head that I sound so frightened like a small candid child asking help from a psychopath murderer.

I caught the tiniest bit of a small smug grin on his face as he climbed into the covers beside me and pulled it up around us. My flush only reddened and my heart began to pace at an irregular beat as he shuffled a centimeter closer. Half- consciously, I wrapped my arms around him, huddled closer to the point that everyone knew would be completely out of my personal space, and buried my face in his chest. I listened to the steady rhythm of his breathing, so close to me, and I heard a strange familiar melody coming to me, music that was beautiful and deadly like him. I inhaled deeply and took in every detail of his scent, knowing that just a whiff of it wouldn't satisfy anything. It was addicting—like a drug, and it smelled so exotic and provoking, something I couldn't get enough of. Joshua merely giggled lightly at the thought, and I knew he could tell what I was thinking. Hell, I don't care. It just made me nuzzle into him even more, so Joshua just circled his cold arms around me as well. The feeling of his crisp, always pressed button- down against my skin gave me a feeling of warmth, and I slowly drifted to a peaceful sleep—something I forgot existed a long time ago.


	4. 4th Chapter

***JOSHUA POV***

The buzzing of the alarm clock on the nightstand woke me up from my sleep. Groaning, I cuddled closer to whatever was clinging on to me and ignored it, but the annoying incessant vibration kept me from doing so. I cracked both eyes open reluctantly, and I stretched a cramped, long- unused arm to smash the button on it. I turned my neck to get the crick out of it, and my eyes fell on the huge digits on the alarm clock's screen. 7: 39. Perfect. Just perfect. I tried to swing my legs off the side of the bed, but they seem to be caught in something. Looking down, I saw a pair of slim, milky white legs entangled in my own ones. I looked down, and I saw the source of the almost unbearable weight resting on my chest. Tufts of orange concealed parts of his face from view, but I saw the face of an innocent, naïve boy sleeping serenely without a care in this wretched world. I remembered every moment of the previous night, walking out the Wild Kat, chancing upon a battered, torn Neku almost raped by a guy in dimly- lighted alley, his eyes tired, hollow and pleading, bringing him home and cleaning the wounds of the person who never showed an itsy- bitsy bit of gratitude, and him asking me to sleep beside him, almost as if he was afraid of something about me, and yet he trusted me at the same time. I listened to the only sound in the room of him breathing softly. I placed a soft kiss, this time on his forehead, and I rolled out his arms quietly. The mattress creaked a little as it adjusted to just Neku's weight, and I heard him mewl a bit at the loss of me. He just folded his arms to his chest, and went back to sleep. I placed another kiss on his slightly dry and wintered lips. It had more pressure than the last, and I felt him squirm a bit at it. I exited out of the room, locking the door behind me, and I went downstairs to make breakfast.

I watched the sunrise that greeted the morning with its golden rays as I drank my cup of coffee. Sometimes I like it too sweet, sometimes I like it extremely bitter, but today I settled for a saccharine sort of taste. The pancakes sizzled in the pan, and a few minutes later I flipped it over, the perfect shade of golden brown. I placed three of them on a plate, and I proceeded to make some more for myself. I was placing both plates full of pancakes on the table and I was putting out the butter and the maple syrup from the fridge when Neku appeared at the doorway. He was wrapped in a blanket, but I didn't really mind, seeing that it would be really awkward if he came downstairs shirtless, and there was a dismal chill in the air that lingered around lately in the morning. I smirked at him and he took a seat at the table.

"Breakfast is ready Neku," I said in a bit of a sing- song voice, though I didn't mean to be so cheerful. Neku gave me a small smile as I took a seat across from him. I brought with me the utensils, and I handed a fork and a knife over to him, he took it silently, and our fingers brushed a bit at the contact. He blushed a bit for what seemed to be the hundredth time since yesterday, and I stood up to get the coffee pot and another mug for my proxy. He muttered a small "thanks" and poured a cup for himself. Breakfast passed by without a word, and when Neku was done I got all the dishes except for the mugs, and I put them in the dishwasher. I took my seat again in front of him. I just sat there contemplating the silence and not really thinking about anything, when I heard a voice that came out in a croaky whisper.

"Joshua…"

I looked up at Neku with eyes that normally conveyed a look of coldness and somewhat despise to everyone.

"I just realized—I think I love another guy now..."

"So you're bi?"

"Yeah, I guess," he said with a small voice.

I continued to look at him with intimidating, taciturn eyes, and I said after a while in the most disbelieving manner I could muster,

"And what? You suddenly like the obscene, filthy man who raped you hours ago?"

"No Josh!" he cut me off immediately. "I love… you."

He finally found the courage to look straight at me in the eye.

"Do you love me back?" He asked with a bit of hopefulness shining in his eyes.

My mouth that was set in a straight line cracked into a wide smirk. I put an arm out to grab his chin and bring it just an inch closer.

"Of course I do dear. Silly Neku, how long did it take you just to figure out?"

I tilted his chin a tad bit upward, and leaning closer just enough so he could hear every breath and the gap between our faces would only be infinitesimal, I said with the same playful yet cunning gaze that always set upon him,

"But the question that should be asked is… Do _you_ really love me back, devotedly and faithfully?"

Neku smiled a happy smile; one that I knew was rare to show itself at all. He nodded his head eagerly.

My smirk grew until it reached ear to ear, and I closed the remaining diminutive space that separated us. The kiss was light at first, and then Neku deepened it. The way our lips moved against each other's, rasping at the same time mellifluous, made a small moan linger in the back of my throat. I tried to suppress it from coming out, but in vain, for I felt a stifled sound coming out from my throat.

I got bored, so I ran my tongue over Neku's teeth to coax him into giving me entrance. He granted access immediately, and I took the opportunity to slide my tongue into his mouth. My tongue started to clash with his, battling for dominance, but eventually I won. His tongue played around with mine, and I gradually put more force, making Neku moan a bit louder than I expected. His moans made me ravenous for him, and I decided to test the waters by letting it wander over his molars. He mewled loudly at the sudden action, and he kissed even harder. I got a bit out of hand as I let the momentum heighten even more, the passion urging me on and making me even hungrier for power over Neku in every sort of way. His tongue brushed over my palette, making a sonorous groan come out of my mouth. It felt so good, and so I did the same to him, brushing over his own languidly so he could feel it intensely, and a satisfied sound came out of his mouth, making me satisfied as well. We broke apart for air, both of us breathing heavily, and I looked at his face which was beet- red, and I smirked at him before I got the mugs and put them in the sink.

Returning back to my seat once more, I noticed that the blanket slipped off his shoulders in the process, revealing his bony but beautifully shaped shoulders, and I absent- mindedly licked my lips upon seeing it, thinking how good it would feel to be the one to leave marks over that precious, once undamaged skin of his.

I forced those thoughts away for the meantime (most hesitantly) and I looked at him, this time with an air of seriousness.

"About being Shibuya's Conductor," I said getting down to business. "Will you accept the position?"

Neku smiled another smile and his answer took me quite aback.

"My only purpose left now is with you."

He sounded so submissive—I just couldn't explain it. It was like he was giving himself to me willingly.

"Will you act responsibly despite the powers given to you?"

"Yes."

"Will you observe proper flow of the game, and resolve to perform your obligations as the Conductor of Shibuya?"

"Yes."

"Are you willing to give up your RG life to perform your duties as Conductor?"

"… Yes."

I smiled, and I produced a heavy metal thing from seemingly nowhere. I tapped the cold contraption on his chest, and he grinned like he wasn't afraid of it at all. He took it in his hands, put it to his chest, and pulled the trigger.


	5. 5th Chapter

***JOSHUA POV***

I was sitting in the Dead God's Pad with my Conductor, finishing some paperwork and useless boring things. We were studying recent Player files that just came in, about those who were eligible to join the Game or not. The files were just waiting approval. There were also other bunches of things, like other notifications and whatsoever. It's been a week or two since Neku became my Conductor, but I could tell that Neku was still fairly traumatized of the Game, so I told him to take it easy. He was only allowed to show himself in the RG during late afternoons or nighttime for now, but soon his death would be known to the RG. He would be considered dead in their world after some time.

He had his legs swung over my lap, and most of his skin was exposed save for the short, extremely lacy, and quite loose Lolita dress I made him wear (which he did with much resisting at first). I was caressing him fondly; the other hand perched on his thigh when it was not busy signing papers. His arms were set around me loosely and he nestled his head on the space in my neck. His half- lidded eyes roved around aimlessly on the files and he only skimmed the text before discarding it or signing it. Most of the files he signed only because I signed it. Occasionally he would lick my neck like a little cat, which I found cute, and when we tossed all the folders aside, Neku gave me a kiss on the lips. I giggled at him, and I returned it; the kiss was quite long until we were interrupted by Mr. H's grossing out. He blanched and he said with a voice full of wonder,

"Can't you find anywhere else to do that stuff?"

"Well, you wouldn't let us do it in the café because we would 'scare away' the 'customers', so we stayed in here," I said simply.

Mr. H just rolled his eyes and went off muttering to himself.

Smirking, I said to Neku "Come on, Neku dear, you still have some hangout of sorts at Eri's house."

Neku groaned and he got up half-heartedly. He was about to go out the door when I chuckled lightly at him. He whipped around with a questioning look gracing his features.

"What is it Josh?" he asked impatiently.

"Silly Neku, would you really go out walking in the streets of Shibuya wearing a dress?"

Neku looked down, blushing a considerable color of red in embarrassment.

I went over to him laughing and he muttered under his breath "Shut up Josh. You were the one who made me wear this thing."

I merely laughed more in response and put an arm around him. I teleported us over to his room, and he got his regular J of the M get- up from his closet. I sighed inaudibly; he looked so much cuter in Lapin Angelique. He obviously knew that I wouldn't be getting out of the room anytime, so he went into the bathroom to change. He got out and chucked the dress into the hamper in his room. There was no use to look for his headphones, since he left it at my place. We went out the door and out the house, and we walked to wherever that redhead lived. When we reached her door, I looked at Neku and he asked,

"Won't you come?"

I sighed and said "No Neku, I can't. Your friends are obviously still traumatized about everything so I can't just show up along with you. I will pick you up though," I finished with a reassuring smile.

"Okay," Neku said with a small frown.

I couldn't prevent a giggle escaping from my mouth as I placed a quick peck on his lips. I waved good bye as the door opened, and I walked away back to the Dead God's Pad. Obviously Beat couldn't see me; I already up- tuned my vibe to the UG. But the girl beside him—Rhyme, wasn't it? She looked as if she was staring right at me, not through me. I shrugged the thought off and continued walking. It was such a lovely day today in Shibuya. I went along with the multitudes of people that were comprised of individuals from entirely different yet oddly similar walks of life. I hummed absent- mindedly to the Music of Shibuya that was playing its familiar tune. Once I reached it, I went into the Room of Reckoning, where I watched over the Game that was ever so dull and growing increasingly bland at a fast rate. There was nothing interesting going on, and I was sure that the Reapers could handle it, so I just killed the time playing with 8- bit games. They're so freaking hard, I wonder how I could be the Composer yet I couldn't defeat a simple game. Before I knew it, hours passed and it was already night time. I sighed and threw the stupid console on the floor, cursing under my breath as I did so. Stupid game. I wonder how Neku even gets a high score.

I got down from the throne and I resumed the form of a regular teenager. My ethereal glow started to dim, and my wings faded until I was just a fifteen year old ash- blonde clad in a simple button- down, dark jeans and white shoes.

I teleported back in front the house and I walked up the porch to the front door. I turned the knob slowly, even if I knew that no one would hear me. The living room was empty; I heard noise coming from the dining room and I realized they must be having dinner. I walked to the door, knowing that they wouldn't see me except for Neku. When I took a peek I saw that Neku wasn't there, nor was Eri. It raised suspicion to me, so I decided to search the house for him. I walked upstairs, and down the hallway. I opened every door, until I got to the second one on the right, and it had a sign on the door which said "Eri" in large fonts. I put my hand on the doorknob and I was going to wring it open until it pushed itself open on its own. I cracked it open a tiny fraction, but I couldn't see anything, so I opened it wider.

A pang of realization struck me right at the back of my head, leaving me completely dumb- founded at the scene that took me eons to register in my mind.

Neku.

Was.

Kissing.

The.

Fuck.

Out.

Of.

Eri.

My eyes grew hollow and I scrunched my eyebrows in what seemed to be confusion—no, more of madness, something I couldn't describe. I looked at him in disbelief. Something clenched and tore at my chest, twisting it and ripping it apart. A void which I stitched up that used to be emptiness reopened itself, sucking and consuming every single miniscule thing that was left in me. Now it wasn't loneliness that gnawed and fed on me like a sick leech—it was more of pain and madness. The little kitty only clung on to me for what? Just someone to hold on to when no one else loved him? Did he really think that he could just come crawling back knowing that I would love him when no one did? Did he really think that he could just throw me aside once he found someone else whom he _truly _loved who would truly love him back? I just stood there watching, frozen like a statue on my spot, rooted there, not being able to get out despite knowing that I had every way—and right to do so.

I leaned on the doorjamb casually, the throbbing pain that I thought I knew no longer existed spreading through the rest of my body, listening to every single pant, every single moan that came out of his mouth—those gags and chokes that I thought would only be mine to keep. And yet there he is—making out with that fucking slut who calls herself a human, who's taking off her hoodie and yanking Neku's own shirt over his head. It was like the time he got raped by that disgusting man, but no, it's alright, it's just Eri, that fucking bitch who's not even worth a shit more than the human race which I despise so greatly. I shuddered when I heard a moan erupt from her mouth, and I bit my lips hard enough that it drew the cold blood that ran through my veins when I saw her back arch and dig her manicured fingernails into my dear Conductor's beautiful shoulders. Shit, I hated the way her toes curled up in pleasure and the way Neku's fists were clenching on the bed sheets and twisting it. I saw the friction between their bodies, the way their torsos rubbed off against the other and I winced at how she could bring so much out of him. His lips- those sweet intoxicating lips that I so desperately wanted, curled into a sick twisted smile and he started to slip off her skirt and oh shit I couldn't bear to watch anymore so I stormed off. I ran down the stairs and slammed the door shut, not caring if it was left open or not; it wouldn't matter anyway.

I flew off to my solitary home, where I knew I would find my piece of mind, and where I knew I only belonged. I belonged to a world that was not thriving, falling, dying, trying—I belonged to a world where everything and everyone people used to love were left to be forgotten—now I know that I truly belong. I felt only the wind against my back as I reached the empty room that's usually filled with Reapers lounging around at this time of night. I slammed the doors, locked them shut, put a barrier and I went off behind the counter.

I pulled out a mass of bottles left by Kitaniji, all filled with exotic tastes and liquids I never tried before. I mixed them up, experimenting hardcore on something I knew nothing about, putting a little bit of this and a little more of that—surely nothing will hurt worse than this. I dumped the contents forcefully into the cup, bits of the bottle smashing and chunks of fragments flying into the drink that I poured completely into a wine glass. I stared at the mess I made, my hair falling over my shoulders and shadowing the empty eyes that were brimming but did not want to show a single bit of weakness. I stared at my hands, marked with smudges and blots of blood like my rumpled shirt and at the counter dripping with all the puddles and messes I made with my fit of rage. I just scoffed, then smiled wider and wider until I started laughing maniacally, laughing so loud and so hard that the echoes bounced off the walls and mocked my own misery and remorse—one that I inflicted upon my own self by letting my guard down and allowing myself to become the least bit human for a silly stupid boy that I could never trust. I took a large swig of my drink, drowning out the laughter in my throat that threatened to turn into cries, and leaving my throat, scratched internally from the small pieces of glass I swallowed, with a burning feeling that felt comforting. I dropped my glass, letting it smash on the floor and letting the shards fly everywhere. I turned over the foosball table in my anger—I was raging like I never had in a long time, and I started to pick up the chairs and hurl them to all the way to the other side of the room. I broke off the legs of the tables, and I smashed them to half and hurled them onto the ground. I tore off the picture frames hanging on the walls and the glass smashed loudly on the floor that remained unscarred unlike my stone heart filled with marks that would be there forever. I shoved away everything on the countertops and the shelves, other things that I threw breaking the lights strewn all over the ceiling. I destroyed everything that was in my reach, and I didn't care for one single second of it all.

Finally, tired, I leaned on the cold wall and I slinked down until I was slumped on the floor—lifeless like his corpse when I first killed the boy who I thought was so innocent. But I realized that he was just as mad—as cunning, as terrible as I was. He was a monster. I tucked my knees to my chest and I grew silent. It was deafening—so loud and ringing, but I didn't care. I didn't care at all.

I was just sitting here in this wasteland…

and only a lone thought that ran through made head made me smile.

_I guess we're even._


	6. 6th Chapter

***JOSHUA'S POV***

I decided to return the next day. I went to her house, straight up the stairs, and right up to her room. The pain that eased only a fraction came back, and I opened the door a crack to watch the second act of the play commence.

The two were sleeping soundly in each other's arms—that whore with only her underwear and my Conductor only wearing a thin layer of boxers to cover up his skin. I seethed with anger as I waited for the perfect adulterous pair to wake up from their slumber, probably tired of whatever stunts they pushed on with the previous night. I saw Neku stir, and after a short while, Eri woke up too.

The first thing she asked as they lay in each other's arms was a question that was not vague to me at all.

"You do love me, don't you?"

"Eri—I…" he looked at her with those eyes, glimmering with a kind of emotion that seldom came across them.

I went off, as quietly as I came, not affected at all by what he said knowing that what I knew all along was true. It was all just a dream—a silly little dream that had no meaning. A silly little dream that only fools would've counted upon. How could I have believed in such words that were just sugar- coated lies?

I smiled as I walked out of the house and I contemplated the beauty of the City this morning. It was quite early though, but it didn't matter. It was such a waste to pass up the perfect opportunity of strolling through Shibuya just moping and weeping on such a fine, perfect day.

I walked along the crossroads to wherever my feet would take me, and I found myself running my fingers along the rusted, grimy handrails of the stairs as a familiar mural came into view. I stared at the whorls of colors floating and drifting around on the walls, and the vividness of it all made me want to laugh. How foolish these mortals can be—don't they know that colors even as bright as that would soon fade into dull shades of a monochromatic palette?

I stood there, facing the mural, with arms crossed and feet apart. The City's Music was different again, but I couldn't quite place what it was like.

I closed my eyes and hummed along to the beat of an invisible tune in my head, and I heard footsteps racing softly in the distance. The footsteps stopped less than a yard away, and the person was just about to speak when I cut him off short.

"Little Nekky came to visit and say good bye? How thoughtful of you, _dear_," I spat out the last word as I turned around to face him with blazing, unforgiving eyes.

"Joshua, please, it's not what you think," He said, his words slurred and a tear running down his cheek.

"I was drunk and shit like that and everything was a mess and oh fuck—I didn't know what was happening a-and she just started pushing me on the bed and I didn't know what to do anymore please Joshua, please kill me, punish me, do anything you want but please—just don't leave me!"

"It's not what I think—oh please Neku, give me a break. I heard the same drama thousands of times between you lowly mortals, and you think that I'm stupid enough to just say 'it's okay'!? Do you really think that you could just run off like that and have sex with a whore then tell me that you're sorry you're in love with another person? Well I'm not trying to be a drama queen, but frankly I'm just telling you that 'I'm sorry' isn't exactly the wisest thing to say at all."

I looked at Neku, his face spilling down with so many tears, and though he seemed to be in so much agony, I couldn't find the heart to show him an ounce of sympathy. My anger fueled me to an extent that I was already shouting, and even though we were in the UG, I was sure that the Real Ground would hear me.

I smiled and I could barely contain my scoff.

"You really amuse me, Neku. At how you can seem to appear so weak, innocent and fragile, yet you are as cunning as a monster would be."

My body started to fade as I teleported off to my solemn Room of Reckoning. Resuming my more ethereal form of a Composer, I took a seat on the throne, demeanor arrogant and pejorative. I drummed my fingers on the marble white armrests and I leaned back with a contented sigh. I did not regret a single bit of what I said to Neku; after all, he deserved it. I didn't care whether he'd beg on his knees or not, I did not want and I did not plan to forgive him at all.

Hours later, Neku still did not appear. I wonder if he ran away, but obviously that wasn't possible, and if he wanted his life back, he would have to play the Reaper's Game again or face erasure. It was quite late at night already when I heard the doors squeak loudly. Light spilled into the room for a moment, but the doors swung shut at my command, leaving no trace of it behind. The only source of light was the godly light that radiated off my skin. I looked down and I saw Neku with his head down, not even saying a word. It was starting to get pretty interesting.

"If the dress is some kind of atonement, well it has done nothing so far," my voice rung inside the desolate room.

"But frankly, you have managed to surprise me yet again. After all that you have done to me, accusing me to be so perfidious, to let your anger boil while you become so obstreperous and hurl your offensive obloquies in my direction, at crawling back to me after that girl dumped you like any other girl would to any other guy, telling me that you loved me as a sick, ruthless lie to cover up as an excuse to have someone to hold on to and give you purpose, fucking up that stupid shameless harlot and running back to me to say that you didn't mean any of that shit and saying that trifling, inconsequential drama that you thought would have saved you, and now showing up to talk things out over a cup of tea? How _pathetic_!"

I leapt off nimbly, landing on my two feet, and I decided to face Neku equally and not as a god. I started to materialize and my violet irises started to take shape, my hair darkening to its usual ash- blonde shade and my garments now the simple get- up I wear as a pedestrian aimlessly wandering about Shibuya. I came closer, until I was directly in front of him, his head still lowered and his hands gripping at the silk fabric of the dress he wore in an effort to enlighten me. He started to shake horribly, and he got down on his knees and he bowed down his head, his tears spilling on to the hard scraping surface of the floor, begging for mercy. His hands were twisting in his lap, and I kicked off my shoes and socks as I knelt down to his eye level, grabbed his chin and forced it up so his eyes would meet mine.

"I'm sorry Joshua—I'm so, so sorry…" he started to whimper softly.

I leaned closer until I was sure he could feel my breathing that prickled every bone in his spine, and I tried so hard to keep myself from trembling too much as I uttered the little words I had to say in his ear.

"You know what Neku," I say as fingernails sunk slowly into his cheek. "Sorry is _never_ enough."

I started to kiss him roughly, biting down hard and not waiting to be granted entrance. He gasped sharply and I dove in, skimming my tongue over every part that I could reach, brushing over sensitive parts lightly and leaving shivers on his body. His grip started to tighten even harder on his dress, and the moans he tried so hard to keep from escaping spilled out and he slid his hands on me instead, wrapping me in his constricting grip that grew tighter and tighter but could never squeeze the air out of me. My tongue started to run over his, the taste of his saliva mixing in my mouth and making me emit those sounds that seemed to make Neku lean in even more. He easily gave me dominance, just letting his tongue play with mine. I proceeded to untie the laces at the back of his dress while savoring the feel of his lips, my hands clawing on his back and leaving marks all over it. So beautiful, and it's all mine. The silk dress easily slipped off his shoulders, and I greedily skimmed my hands all over it, kneading his shoulders until I found my hands wrap itself around his neck and strangle it. His breathing hitched and it came out in chokes; he started struggling for air and his gasps sounded so pleasing to the ear, that I just couldn't break it off. When I finally did, he was breathing heavily and his pants were so arousing that I couldn't stop myself from tasting more.

I didn't waste another second and I delved in again, this time wiggling the dress off his torso, sliding it down his smooth legs, and tossing it aside. I pushed him down and he winced at having his back scrape the cold floor. He was torn between breaking off the kiss and succumbing to my grip on him, but either way I wouldn't let things go his way. He scrunched up my shirt, trying to pull it off, and I allowed him to unbutton it and peel it off my skin. The contact between our bodies made me moan aloud, and I pressed my body closer to his warmer one. The ice- bitingly cold temperature of the room didn't bother my Conductor at all, and sneakily he unbuttoned and unzipped my dark jeans, pulling it off my thighs until they were halfway down. I wormed out of the rest of my pants, and he wrapped his legs around me so he could pull himself closer. Finally breaking off, I decided to let him catch his breath. I produced a knife out of nowhere, and I started to cut his arm lightly. Neku hissed loudly at the pain, but it made me frown a little. It was not what I wanted to hear. I moved up the knife, drawing a thin straight line on his upper arm that ran to his shoulders, and I put more pressure on the knife, smiling at how easily it sliced through his pale skin. His hissing started to turn into cries, and it was enough to satisfy me; at this time the knife was almost an inch deep into his skin, and I was cutting the side of his neck, just beside his throat. I smiled wider at hearing the pained yet pleasured cries of my ex- proxy. I threw the blade aside with a clatter and I started to suck on the cuts that I made, the blood seeping from the wounds into my mouth. The blood was bitter and metallic, yet it tasted so sweet like honey in my mouth. Neku groaned loudly as I continued to suck on the same spot with alternating pressures, chewing the skin a bit and nibbling on it. I stopped and examined my work, his neck coated with my saliva and the cuts all over his arm dripping with his blood. Neku was taking in deep breaths and he was lying on the ground, looking so helpless but he didn't want to fight back. I ripped off the remaining piece of clothing to reveal all of his bare skin, and I pulled off my own. Pinning him down, I positioned myself directly above him and I came in hard. His eyes that were closed and tired flew open, and he screamed in so much pain from me penetrating him dry and hard. I pulled out slowly and thrust back in, making Neku writhe and fill the room with ear- splitting cries that I longed to hear for a long time. My thrusts were slow for only a short time, then I pushed in harder and faster and Neku was screaming at a rate that would surely wake the streets of Shibuya. I finally hit a spot that brought out a cry from him that was even louder than the last ones, and I aimed for that spot again, sending waves of pleasure coursing through his body. Bringing my hand up to his cock, I started to pump it until it was getting wet and hard like mine.

"Ahhhh!" I could hear Neku's labored breaths imploring me to stop. I became more lustful and it only made me thrust in more. His hips were starting to buckle, but I held them in place, massaging the hipbones which earned more loud moans from him. I felt my climax coming to an end, and I released inside him, right after his hot seed spilled out on my hand. I pulled out, my dick still dripping with come, but I didn't pull out completely. I looked straight into those terrified blue eyes that begged for me to stop, and my mouth stretched into a cunning grin. I plunged in him again, this time the friction less rough because of my come, and I hit right on his prostrate. My thrusts didn't slow down, and Neku was screaming and begging for me to stop, the pleasure that surged through both our bodies not helping me control myself.

"Just shut up dear," I murmured, crashing my lips on his to quiet him down. He was struggling, but the sounds that came out of his mouth aroused me to a degree that I really couldn't resist. I kept kissing him, my thrusts still going at its pace and not getting any weaker, and I placed my hands still sticky with his load on his wet cock and I began pumping it again. Mmmm… he was so tight and it felt so good just to savor the feeling of dominating him and making him yell in so much pain and pleasure.

"Yoshiya-a-ahh! Please—nngh—plea-a-se s-sto-op!" his voice was scratchy as he managed to break off and it took an enormous amount of effort for him to say just those words. I smirked and I giggled at his request. I kept going, and even if I felt myself release in him, I didn't stop just yet. We made love for around five times, our bodies almost giving up on coming, but we willed it to anyway. I finally pulled out, resting on top of him and catching my breath. I got so carried away fucking him so hard. We were both perspiring from all the heat and friction that caused our bodies to move in a single fluid movement. I heaved myself off him, and walked over the puddles of come to retrieve my discarded clothes. Neku did the same, putting the dress on and covering his body once more. I had finished putting on my shoes, whereas Neku didn't have to, seeing that he came in bare- footed like when he wears a dress indoors. I was walking over to him when I stepped on something. I lifted my foot and I saw a bloody knife lying on the floor. I picked it up, my hand wrapping around it closely to hide it from view. I went over to Neku, whose head was still bowed down, picked him up, and flew up to my throne, where he sat yet again on my lap.

"Now this might hurt a bit, dear, but it is after all for your own good. A little reminder for you that you _always_ belong to me from now on."

I pushed him down gently, and I put the knife to his back. I began to cut his beautiful ghostly skin, and the lines started blooming with the loveliest shade of crimson. He inhaled sharply, and he broke into small sobs as I continued cutting along in lines all over his back, crossing a bit over his shoulders and reaching down to the bottom of his spine. The lines swayed and curved and they opened up a bit, the cold air brushing over the wounds lightly. He whimpered and he held back his cries as he bit his bottom lip, already swollen from all the sucking. Still continuing, I leaned over and planted a soft kiss on them, swallowing the moans and chokes as the deep lines I cut intersected one another. Tears were running down his cheeks and I let go, only to finish my work. When I did, I looked at it closely, inspecting every line that I made, and I smiled. I put down the sharp tool that was now even more bloodied, as I pulled him closer, letting him rest his head on my left shoulder. I pressed my cheek against his back and I started to lap up some of the blood that was running down. I felt him shiver, but he nuzzled in even more and placed a kiss on my pale lips. I raised my head, my cheek stained with streaks of blood and I licked off the corners of my mouth, the taste of him still lingering in it. He put up a hand hesitantly and shyly he started to brush his blood off, but he stopped and his arm dropped to his side. I eyed him curiously, and instead he started to lick it off my cheek. His eyes were half- closed and they were glazed over with lust and wanting more, but I knew he was too tired. I kissed his forehead and I started to lace up his dress again, almost completely covering the cut.

He nestled into the space in my neck and he tightened his grip on me. Caressing him possessively, I broke the silence between us.

"As my Conductor, are you willing to give up your RG life?"

"Yes Master."

"Will you give up your respect and values only for me?"

"Yes Master," Neku takes my hand in his and he kisses it.

"Will you serve the Composer, willingly and without any regret in the future, unless you wish to face erasure?"

"Yes Master… Of course…"

"Do you love me? As my Conductor?"

"Yes Master."

Neku placed another kiss on my lips. Exhausted, we fell asleep, a smile on both our faces that were just a few inches away.


	7. 7th Chapter

***NEKU POV***

… I fucking love Yoshiya Kiryu. It's been a while since that incident passed, and I miss the feeling of him doing that to me. It felt so fucking bad, and it hurt so much that I couldn't get up the next day, but I loved it anyway. The way his body grinded seductively on mine easily made me moan in pleasure, and his thrusts were so damn good that I couldn't make him stop no matter how painful it felt. His hands moved around my midriff, massaging and kneading the bones and muscles in places that I didn't know were so sensitive. Nails clawed and dug into the flesh, drawing out blood and tearing through the fibers of my skin. It felt like—like Yoshiya could just take me to heaven.

I mewled a bit at the thought; tingles racing up my arms and all the way up to my neck, and Yoshiya asked what the matter was. I smiled and I replied that nothing was wrong, so we went along to the Udagawa mural. We stood off to the side, watching as Beat, Eri, Shiki, and Rhyme were huddled around something.

"I can't bear to look at this…" Eri said; her voice anything but understandable as she too broke into tears like her best friend. "I—I didn't even get the chance to say sorry…"

Rhyme was silent, she said nothing as she clutched onto her brother, whose mouth was set into a firm grimace. He bowed his head down in respect, and Rhyme did the same. We went closer, and I got a reasonably good view of the source of their moping. A lifeless corpse with vibrant orange hair and dulled cerulean eyes was staring straight ahead, but was looking at nothing. His finger was curled around the trigger of a cold, murderous weapon that lay still in his right hand. The mural was bathed with blood, and so was the clothing of the boy. His shirt was inevitably soaked in the substance, and his shorts were tainted with patches of cherry- red liquid. Rhyme reached forward and closed the lids of the boy, and bade him a peaceful sleep.

I was practically staring at my own dead body, one that I had abandoned just the day before, in order to make my death in the RG known to everyone. I killed myself by orders from Yoshiya, and I did so gladly. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a smirk run across his features. He squeezed my hand, and we continued to watch at a distance. Rhyme was not looking anymore; in fact it looked like something else grabbed her attention. Her head tilted to the side, and she looked in our direction, eyes pure and bright with curiosity. She didn't take off her gaze on us as she tugged her brother's loose shirt.

"What is it Rhyme?" he asked, voice quiet. She raised a finger to point at our direction, so Beat turned his head our way.

"Rhyme, there's nuthin' over there yo. Just a damn frickin wall!" He lowered his head down upon finishing his sentence. His voice was getting softer again, as he punched the wall in frustration.

"I'm sorry…" he said after a while. "I didn't mean no nuthin to hurt you…" he expected an answer, but Rhyme had already gone to where we were standing; he didn't notice that she had let go of him. Like a little child who wondered about so many things, her upstretched arm reached up to touch Yoshiya's face. Instead, he put his hand against hers, their palms connecting. The fingertips brushed over it lightly, something neither Yoshiya nor I expected. His fingers laced in between hers, lingering there for a moment before he put it down and pulled back his hand gently.

"Whatcha doin over there Rhyme? You could get kidnapped or something!" Beat ran over to where she was, and knelt down as he shook her shoulders gently.

"I'm fine Beat. But don't you see them?" she gestured over to where we both stood, appalled at her ability to see us even in the UG.

"There's no nuthin' over there Rhyme. You must be seein' things yo." He looked over to see if he was right, and he just heaved a sigh.

"Come on," he mumbled as he ushered Rhyme back to where Shiki and Eri were.

I felt around in my pocket to see if I brought what I needed, and sure enough I felt a small flat object, the surface cold and grimy. I squeezed it in my hand, and I scanned over their thoughts, but only one caught my attention.

_'It was… my fault. If only—if only I didn't dump him, maybe he wouldn't feel this way. If I just said yes, he would be fine and—ugh! I-!"_

I waited patiently and I kept watching until Shiki noticed something about my corpse. She leaned over and Eri opened her mouth to protest, but she closed it and respected her friend's wish.

Gently she uncurled the fingers of my cold lifeless body to find a small red box. Attached to the velvet ribbon was a tag that had not a name, but a short message scrawled over it.

_I've moved on already._

Shiki broke into a soft sob, cupping her hands around her face to keep the tears that were falling down her face from rolling off her cheeks, but the tears slipped in between the gaps in her fingers.

"I'm sorry—I'm so, so sorry…" I heard her repeat her words, like a broken tape recorder that played on loop.

-LINE-

We walked off, melting into the crowded streets of the Scramble Crossing. When the air thinned out and the people lessened, I heard someone ask a question.

"Why did you still have to give that to her?"

I looked over at Yoshiya and gave him a smile.

"I didn't want a piece of garbage lying around in the room."

Yoshiya smirked, and we headed over to our favorite ramen shop for some noodles.

* * *

A/N: okay, this chapter was pretty short... okay fine REALLY short, but THIS IS NOT THE END! LOL, but really, hope I'll be able to update even sooner. R&R please, thank you :))))))


	8. 8th Chapter

"How many times do I have to spell it out for you, dear?" Yoshiya hurled his words at me, eyes piercing my soul and ripping it into pieces.

I was crying again, my voice raw and gulping, and nothing came out but a small squeak.

"Ahhh! I-I'm s-so-orry Yoshiya- sama-aa!" I spat out in between sobs and chokes. It was all I could muster at the moment.

Yoshiya's grip on me only tightened even more, that I was sure it would leave a bruise there for a while. He drove me further into the wall that he slammed me in only seconds ago, and the cold marble wall stuck to me.

"Is 'sorry' the only word you know? I'm sick of it dear, just shut up." My master drawled on with a bored tone while swinging around the glass shard with his free hand.

"Loving you was a waste of time, don't you think? Had I only known that the stray kitty would wander off somewhere else, I would have just killed it in a flash." Yoshiya only cackled and he took no mercy on me as he slit my neck slowly, starting from the very right side.

"Hah…ahh…" I moaned as he licked a drop of blood that ran down my neck.

"You must've enjoyed it didn't you? To have someone else make you feel so fucking pleasured, and you wouldn't give a fucking shit about it! You're no different from that _whore_!"

His words stung me, and I remembered everything.

-LINE-

Yoshiya and I were having coffee at Mr. H's café. It's already been two years since I became Conductor, and things have been running smoothly—if I may say even better now than before. I retained my original form though, that of a fifteen year old. For some reason, Yoshiya resurrected some of the other Reapers who died in the Game, namely everyone but Shades. No idea why. So they were also lounging around on that fateful day, and they were all chatting casually and stuff like that. I wanted to take a piss, so I excused myself and went to the restroom. I went into one of the cubicles, and I did my thing. Stepping out, I was washing my hands when one of the stall doors banged open. A reaper with a dark black coat, ripped jeans, a red bandana covered with a black hat, tanned skin and glowing yellow eyes went to the sink beside me. He also washed his hands and he was fixing himself. I sensed that he was looking at me, and I stole a glimpse at him in the mirror, our eyes met for a split second, and I quickly looked away. Oddly, he was staring at me with a certain look in his eyes that I couldn't comprehend.

"Remember me hectopascal?"

"Huh?"

I looked up to see the silver-haired man who stood rigid, arms folded across his huge chest.

"Yeah," I said after a while, rolling my eyes at the sudden question.

"Hmph. If my calculations weren't wrong, I would've erased you and that zetta radian faster than the speed of light! CRUNCH! And I'll add you to the heap! Then I would be the Composer of this factoring city!"

(****facepalm)

"Well, I'm still going to be the Conductor. What are you going to do about that?"

"As if an insignificant binomial like you would stand in my way. Hah." He cracked his knuckles loudly.

I didn't really like talking to Sho, but there was something about him that pulled at my heart strings. Pfffttt lame, I know. I only continued to keep up the conversation just to get used to him, in case he really did eliminate Yoshiya. L

I hurried up and I was going to open the door already when something grabbed me harshly and backed me up against the door. I didn't get to say anything because I was cut off by something else; something was moving against my lips to a rhythm that I vaguely remembered from long ago. It wasn't fast- paced nor slow, it was a steady one that excited my senses in a way. I tried pushing him off but my hands seemed to get caught up in the denim- like fabric of his coat. He smelled like the strong scent of alcohol, though it wasn't nearly as disgusting. Sho stopped, and he backed off and wiped his mouth on his sleeve. I purred a bit when I sensed that he stopped, and then I locked the door behind me with a click. I was just so submissive sometimes, that I couldn't stop myself if I found the guy at least a bit sexy. Damn dying as a hormonal teenager! Besides, Yoshiya wouldn't know anyway, would he?

I sauntered over to him, and I started kissing him hard like hell. I yanked him closer to me, starting to love the feel of denim against my skin and his touch that was like electric. He tried pushing me off, but it only made me grind closer to his own body. I unfastened the buttons and undid the belt on his coat, but he was still fervently trying to get me off. I was simply too clingy, and instead he ended tearing a portion of my favorite shirt in the process. He stumbled backward and I landed on top of him. I was kneeling over him, tugging at his coat in a seducing manner and successfully getting it off, I dipped my hands in the waistband of his jeans, and I traced patterns absent- mindedly on the skin there. Sho groaned in response, a mixture of pleasure and great disgust. I unbuckled his belt, doing the same with my own, and I pulled my shorts off until they got caught up around my ankles. I was pulling down his ripped jeans when I heard footsteps echoing on the floor. The sounds rebounded and drew nearer at a quick pace, and the door flew open.

One second I was taking off the clothes of the Grim Heaper while kissing the fuck out of him, and the next second I'm looking back to see a shocked ashen- haired boy, paler than ever if that was even possible, looking down at both of us on the floor. I was clinging on to Sho, who pushed me off in an instant the moment that it registered in his mind that I had already stopped. He mumbled a string of curses as he pulled up his pants in haste and put on his coat before he went past Yoshiya, who he didn't even need to shove past on the way out.

"If you're wondering why, ask that bitch over there," he muttered as he went off to leave. Sho slammed the door shut fiercely, and for quite a long time no one said anything.

Yoshiya lowered his head, and he didn't mumble a single note. He stood there unmoving, and he merely raised his arm to lock the door with a soft clicking noise; so soft that not even the tiniest sound was made. I scrambled to my feet, pulling my shorts back up and buckling them, and I walked over cautiously to where he stood so silent.

"Yoshiya? …" I whispered slightly, afraid of what he might say.

He said nothing.

I ambled a bit closer, a bit more relaxed, though it felt as if my whole body stopped from what it was doing.

He still said nothing.

I moved closer until we were so close, and I reached up to stroke his face. My fingers were less than a millimeter away when a hand shot up and grabbed my neck. Thin fingers enclosed themselves around it, and they contracted, harder and harder, uncaring if I was already choked to death. My lungs were deprived of all air, and I tried to spit out his name, but the fingers only squeezed harder. His hand started to tremble, at first it was only slight, then his whole body was shaking and it looked like the frail structure was going to collapse any moment. My hands flew up to his arm on instinct, but they were too weak. They fell limply to the side, and I felt a force that whisked me off my feet, and then I crashed into hard glass. The shattering sounds were all around me, the shards cutting my exposed skin and making my head bleed profusely. I winced loudly, and I slumped against the broken mirror. I was propped up on the sink, and Yoshiya held a shard in his right hand, cut badly and bloodied from gripping on the shard so tight. He looked at me with those eyes—full of hate and so much anger—more than I saw before, raised the shard, and he plummeted it into my chest. My mouth opened, but nothing came out, instead a single tear ran down my cheek. I cried aloud as he pushed it deeper, twisting it mercilessly and digging out the flesh.

He only laughed at my suffering, and said in a voice that was so pained and sounded so hard just to control,

"You never mean anything Neku—all you can say are empty, hollow promises that you never care to keep! And you say that to 'trust your partner' was something you couldn't do, yet now I realize that how could you if _no one can trust you at all_? You call my games silly, twisted and pathetic, and you accuse me of making you a pawn of my game, but don't you see _dear,_ you're playing your own selfish schemes. Then you come back running to me and you tell me that you love me, but you run off with another whore again. And then you beg for forgiveness and tell me that you'd never do it again, but here you are, making out with another person who doesn't even love you! And you know what Neku? You're just one of those pathetic sluts who don't mean anything…

_ONLY WORSE!"_

He pulled out the sharp object and he plunged it back in on another fresh spot in a single motion. I shut my eyes, and I cried quietly, knowing that my sobs wouldn't help.

He pulled it out a last time, and he bent down to pick up my shirt that lay torn on the floor. He threw it over to me, and I sobbed quietly as I put it on. I couldn't look straight at him; instead those same fingers that I longed to stroke me lovingly grasped my wrist in an iron grip, and pulled me off the sink. Yoshiya practically tore the door off its hinges and he stormed out, dragging me along with him. All the Reapers were looking at us, but he ignored them. He carried me, kicked the door open and flew all the way to Dead God's Pad. The moment the doors opened he threw me to the other side of the room. I hit the wall with much force, and I almost fell forward until something caught me and pinned me on the unscratched wall. And that's how I got into this situation.

My sobs only grew louder, and I was wailing already, but Yoshiya didn't listen. He savored the cries that spilled out from my mouth as he ran the jagged edge over my throat not too deep to make me die, but enough that I felt the searing pain that ran through my neck. I coughed up my own blood, and it stained my lips and his face with dots here and there. I looked at him, eyes bloodshot from all of the crying, but he didn't care. He held the mirror shard with two fingers and dipped it into his mouth. He closed his mouth, and retracted the stained thing, now clean because he licked off all the blood. Tilting his head to one side, he stared back, as if to mock me with false innocence, and his index finger brushed my lips. He put his blood stained finger into his mouth, and swallowed all the blood from it, enjoying the taste of my pain. Then he looked at me with a sadistic evil smile.

"Oh Neku, you're just like a little doll to everyone. Tie it up on a chair and you can do anything to it. So submissive that you wouldn't even choose who to be faithful to—how cute. And yet you say that you're so devoted to me—just because of what? Because I have power? _Because I love you and no one else does?_ I want you all for myself dear, and all I want is for you to swear that you'd always be mine. Is that too much to ask?"

I shook my head slowly, my bangs falling around my face and my hair all messed up. Joshua smirked, and he tilted my chin up gently. He looked down at me, and he said in a hushed voice,

"I will not ask for your forgiveness."

With these words he stabbed me again, hard, and I let out a scream as I felt it slice through my skin, so close to my dead heart. My head tilted back, and he started to kiss me, like he always did; only the emotions I felt were more of a deep kind of anger that clashed with hate and love. His lips moved against mine forcefully, tasting everything and hungry for my lips which hadn't touched his own ones for a long time and wanted to so bad. It eased the pain I felt in my chest, but just as I thought he would stop making me suffer, he wrenched the shard all the way, and my eyes which I didn't realize were shut opened. I gasped for air, but he only used it to his advantage to gain entrance. The feeling of his tongue roving over mine and brushing over other parts lightly made me moan loudly, and I cried more as the feeling of pleasure from all his kissing and pain from repetitive twists and stabs that dug out a lot of my flesh all over my chest mixed inside me.

He plunged the shard in another spot, and the force was so much that it broke, falling on the floor and shattering to pieces. I saw my reflection, and I did look pathetic like he described, that the kind and caring love I wanted was replaced by a hard, demanding yet equally great one in emotion because I deserved it.

As he pulled out the small part useless part that was left in me, I felt a familiar feeling down between my legs, one that started just as a sick weird feeling pooling around in my stomach, and I felt like I was going to come. My body grinded on his by instinct and the rasping contact of his jeans on my crotch made me groan in pleasure. Yoshiya felt my erection becoming even harder, and he just smirked as he put his bloody hand into my pants and he grabbed my cock and started to pump it, my hard on getting even wetter in his grip. He didn't break off the kiss as he continued to pump it harder, making me shiver and moan loud enough to fill the room. I bit his lip as he continued to hold my need in order to ease the pain, and he wasn't taken by surprise. Only when I brushed the side of his tongue did I hear a moan that sounded so seducing and much louder than the others as he rubbed his torso on mine. I felt my climax come, and I released straight into his hand, leaning on him for support as I suddenly became weak. He finally broke off, both of our breathings labored as he too released a few seconds after me.

He let go of my crotch, but even if I felt so feeble, nothing filled my head but to please my master's desires, who I knew wanted more. I quickly took off my shirt and threw it off somewhere, and then I grabbed his by the collar and started to undo the buttons on it slowly, looking straight into his stone- cold eyes. My gaze didn't flicker as I let it fall off on the floor, resting my hands on the cold skin of his sides. My lips parted only slightly as my head slanted to one side, and I engulfed his lips in mine, wondering how I could fall in love with my own beautiful murderer. I needed to feel his skin pressed against mine, to be able to give everything to him and prove that I loved him and I needed him even if I knew that the trust was already broken. Still I continued to make out with him softly. Yoshiya must be enjoying this because he bound my waist with his arms, and he pulled me closer. I missed that feeling of being loved, and I realized that he only punished me because of it. His hands grasped my shorts, and stripping me of it along with my underwear, he pushed me on the glass floor that felt cool from the condensation. He traced lines all over the skin of my inner thighs as he took care in kissing me lightly, making me moan and my hips jerk upward.

His mouth moved off and yes, I moaned loudly as he drew a line along the contour of my jaw with his tongue, licking off some of the blood that continued to drip. I tried to control myself and my lips found his once again, kissing him back as I felt myself increasingly hard to stop and my need begin to harden. I undid his pants, taking them off with his boxers in an agonizingly slow manner. I forced him closer, a bit too hard perhaps, and faced the consequence as his crotch brushed on mine. My head began to swim, and I was driven by so much wanting that I had to hug him tightly, but it only made things worse. I felt that he was also getting hard, and the rushing sensation of his skin rubbing on mine made me moan and feel that I needed him inside me so bad. I took one of his hands and I broke off, placing three of his fingers in my mouth. I sucked at them obediently, knowing that it was what he wanted, until they were wet and covered with my saliva. Spreading my legs farther, he pulled them out and placed one finger inside me, wiggling it around to let me get used to him. After a while, he put two fingers in my entrance, making scissoring motions to widen it, and then he joined in the third finger. He took out his slender, long digits, and he positioned himself before he came in. I moaned, and the same feeling came back down there as he started his thrusts slowly like always.

We made love silently, basking in nothing but silence as only small moans and whispers of love resounded. His thrusts became deep, and I moaned for the hundredth time as he pumped my abandoned need again. He hit a spot that made me half- yell, and those sounds filled the room, sending so much pleasure that I never felt before. I released into his hand, and I felt his load inside me, giving me an oddly comforting feeling. He pulled out, falling on top of me, and after a while, he kissed me again before getting up. With a snap of his fingers, he appeared freshened up as always, his clothes unsoiled and his hair fixed, like he didn't take his anger out on me at all. Except his eyes were clouded over with lust, his expression untamed and his smile looking pleasant but in fact hiding behind it are evil intentions. He brought out a dress, and I reached out to accept it silently, but he walked around behind me instead. He crouched down and bent forward to pull it up my legs to cover my body that belonged to no one but him now. His light blue Pegaso shirt pressed against my skin, and the feeling of his arms brushing up my shins, my thighs, coming in contact with the skin on my hips made me shiver, and as I raised myself up a bit so he could pull the dress up, I felt fingers momentarily grope at my ass. I squeaked, but it only made him giggle. He pulled it up over my shoulders, and the only part of me that wasn't covered aside from the parts that dress wasn't supposed to was my back, completely exposed because I couldn't tie up the laces on my own and he wouldn't. He carried me like he would to a dead body, bridal- style, and we went into the Room of Reckoning where he flew up to the throne and sat me on his lap.

The back of my Lolita dress was perfectly unlaced, and he got out some shackles that were hidden somewhere off. He snapped the rusty chains into place on my wrists and my ankles, but I did not dare look up with questioning.

"Just a little something so you wouldn't escape. Wouldn't want you running off, would we now?" He whispered to me. I nodded my head silently.

"Well Neku," he sighed. "It seems as if you never learn. Let's try that again, shall we?"

He seized a knife that was pinned on the armrest behind him, and he started to cut my skin all over again. He retraced the lines with care, only that he made it deeper than the last. The blade was set deeply into my back, slicing through cuts that were barely halfway healed. The fibers and the muscle that reconnected split for a second time; even farther into the flesh that I vowed only he would touch from now on. I thought he would only run over the lines that had already been made, but I was wrong. He began to cut on fresh skin, untouched by the blade until now, and he connected the other lines together. I shuddered as I twisted the fabric of my dress in my hands to keep myself from crying. It was obviously not what he wanted, and he pressed the knife and let it sink around two inches into my skin.

I exhaled deeply and bit my lips hard to try not to scream as tears threatened to spill over my eyes. He didn't move, and the pain was beginning to cease until he slashed the skin in one move, ripping it apart so easily. I finally screamed and I thrashed about in his grip, struggling to fight the pain as I clenched his arm tightly. His anger since didn't simmer down one bit, and it only came back as he took it out on me by taking pleasure in seeing me bloodied and begging for mercy.

"_PLEASE, YOSHIYA- SAMA, STOP! AHHH PLEASE MASTER, PLEASE!" _I was practically screeching already but he remained oblivious to my pleading. Instead he went closer and I felt his hot pants hovering over my neck full of cuts. He opened his mouth, and I just shut my eyes to brace myself for what came next. In addition to his cutting that never slowed down, he bit down hard, his canines sinking into the flesh instantly and puncturing the parts that didn't have cuts yet. He nearly chomped it off as he started to suck on it, drinking up a generous amount of blood from me. I kept screaming and I writhed in pain, quieting own only because I felt so drained of energy. He finally stopped, licking the tender flesh a last time before moving away.

I tried to catch my breath as he added the final touches of his artwork engraved into my back. It was the kanji character '_ten_',_天 _ (heaven), adorned with flowers and designs he carved along with it.

He set aside the cutting edge tainted with my blood, but he still didn't let go of me. I rested against him, and suddenly his grip tightened. I felt myself slowly being raised up and suddenly Yoshiya threw me to the ground. I came crashing down on the cold surface, and the moment it made contact with my body, that was when I ached tremendously. My limbs felt stiff, as if I was paralyzed, and my vision was blurry. But why, why could I see only my master's face clearly?

He dragged me onto his lap and yanked me by the hair to force me to look at nothing but his violet eyes.

"_How dare you refuse to obey my command?_ You dictate to me that I should stop, when in fact I wish not to at all. Is that any way for a slave to treat his own master?"

I started to cry again, and I shook my head wildly in his grip. It only tightened, and then he let my head fall loosely like a doll's. His hands grabbed the laces of the dress and held it steady.

"_ANSWER ME!"_ He pulled the laces harshly, easily slipping through the silk and constricting my body all of a sudden. I lurched backwards, and I sputtered out an answer despite the painful pressure making my body ache and the blood seep out faster.

"N- no- o, Yoshiya- sama!" I cried as I held on to his shirt and kissed him on the lips slavishly. He smiled, and tying a ribbon to secure the laces from getting loose, he caressed me and said,

"I'm hungry, Neku. Go get me something to eat."

I nodded, and I got up and walked out dazedly. Minutes later I came back with a small cake on a plate and a fork, almost losing balance because of great blood loss, and my blood started to drip from my cuts and my blood- soaked dress into the cake. It looked like strawberry syrup, and the blood wouldn't stop falling on it. Some of it ran down the cake, skimming around the plate edge, and then splatted on the floor, but the mess it caused especially on the cake didn't make him angry—it only made him grin widely. I listened as the chains that bounded not only my tangible body but even my soul made a swishing sound as they scraped across the concrete, not wanting to turn away even when I had the chance, and I stopped at the foot of his throne. He teleported me up to his lap, and he only took the cake and flashed a smile.

He held the chain in his hands and used it as a handle to pull me closer. I stared back with eyes that said that I would do anything he wished, and he said,

"Oh Neku, I can't have you running around the city with someone else, or I would have to think of something worse than that. Unless you'd rather lose your virginity again and face me as the consequence just so you could do so, I'd be willing to give you your due punishment."

He scooped up a small bit of the cake and put it into his mouth.

"No master, it won't happen again," I say in a soft voice. "If even keeping me all for yourself wouldn't do, I'd gladly face erasure for you, Yoshiya- sama…"

He giggled as he broke off another piece and placed it into my mouth. I chewed it like a good pet would, and he gave me a small kiss as some sort of reward. I tried to take the cake so I could feed him, but he only laughed as he fed me another portion of it. The dark red syrup on it tasted bitter, and he liked it a lot. Some of it even dripped down the corners of my mouth, and he proceeded to lick it off it a dominant way. We finished the cake, and I cuddled in closer to him to whisper my devotion to him.

"I love you Yoshiya- sama…" I mumbled as I adjusted in his lap and drifted off to sleep. He only gave me a kiss in response, and I fell asleep in the arms of the one who would be my master for eternity…

-LINE-

Yoshiya and I were hanging around again in WildKat. The place was empty as usual, and we were bored from doing stupid paperwork so we decided to take a break. I wanted to sleep, so I rested my head on Yoshiya, who didn't mind if I was leaning on him. He and Mr. H were talking, and I was half- asleep so I still had the energy to eavesdrop on their conversation.

"You wanted to kill him, right?" I heard Mr. H ask Yoshiya. "Then why didn't you?"

Yoshiya merely giggled, and continued to fondle me, saying "_Hate the sin, love the sinner_…

…_but I still wouldn't think about granting him forgiveness."_

He placed a kiss on my temple as he said those words. I just smiled, and I dozed off pondering about where paradise would be without him.

_Tiramisu, _would mean to "take me to heaven"

-END-


End file.
